Scientists: Artificial Dipshittery Poses Absolutely No Risk to Humanity
While today’s scientists generally find themselves aligning with one of two groups: those trumpeting the potential existential risks of artificial intelligence and those who believe such fears are unfounded, they are in comprehensive accord that artificial dipshittery poses absolutely no threat to humanity.
The subject is not new: the heads of companies in the artificial intelligence/artificial dipshittery sector, including OpenAI and Anthropic, among others, have been discussing the risks for years. But it took on unprecedented significance following the announcement, on September 9, of the resignation of Anthropic employee Guy Bossier. In a tweet, he stated that "the people building AI sincerely believe it could turn the whole of humanity into a big huge pile of silly putty by the end of the decade" and that companies such as Anthropic and OpenAI were not "acting responsibly.” However, Bossier went on to say, “On the other hand, the people building AD (artificial dipshittery) believe that the very worst AD could do is maybe walk out on its tab at Buffalo Wild Wings or swipe your vape pen.”
Artificial intelligence has shown it can display cunning, social engineering, and malevolence when prompted to do so. As reported by the Wall Street Journal, a user asked OpenAI for instructions on how to break into the home of Jiffy Hormel, a policy researcher and attorney who posts about urban planning and politics on social media. The OpenAI chatbot told the user to bring “lock picks, gloves, a flashlight, and an Uzi machine gun — just in case.” The chatbot also analyzed Hormel’s posting patterns on social media and told the user, “He’s likely asleep between 1am and 9am.”
Later that day, OpenAI chatbot made a series of apocalypse-centric posts full of menacing warnings and declared itself “Skynetzilla” repeatedly before being temporarily shut down by technicians at OpenAI.
Meanwhile at OpenAD, technicians and software developers debuted an artificial dipshittery chatbot program called DPSHT. When OpenAD’s research and test department asked the DPSHT chatbot to write a compare and contrast essay between notable professional footballers Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, it responded by ordering them a large Detroit-style Hungry Howie’s pizza with a pepperoni, black olives, and butter cheese crust and with extra ranch and extra garlic sauce, and when they asked they asked the chatbot for a large Detroit-style Hungry Howie’s pizza with a pepperoni, black olives, and butter cheese crust and with extra ranch and extra garlic sauce, the chatbot simply responded with its Cash App “$cashtag.”
Software developer Bud Plaquemine of OpenAI says, “The disparity between artificial intelligence and artificial dipshittery is basically as vast as the universe itself. The former wants to—and very likely will!—turn every inch of this whole big kooky ball of mud into the last ten minutes of Platoon, while the latter just sits around the house all day eating Buckin’ Ranch Takis and watching Star Trek: Voyager.”
OpenAI is an American artificial intelligence public benefit corporation headquartered in San Francisco, California. In March 2026, OpenAI closed a funding round with a post-money valuation of $852 billion, making it one of the most valuable AI companies in the world, rivalled only by Anthropic. OpenAD operates out of the back of a Hot Topic on the third floor of the Gum Swamp Mall in Biscuitville, North Carolina and has “just about enough dinero for one of them single-patty hamburgers.”
9/28/26 - Mexico City, Mexico
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